just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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