he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
