If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
where does the pee come out of this thing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
