At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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