if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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