Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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