NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
