Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
