I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
