so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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