Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
