Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
