i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize