idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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