she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
