She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
