covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
