Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
