escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
