I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
