How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
