just come out here and I will go home with you...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
