We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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