So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
