Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
