Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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