I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
