Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
