you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
