Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You made out with two different species that night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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