Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
