Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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