so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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