what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
