there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
