First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
