She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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