She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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