i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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