That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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