So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
