We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
