so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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