My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
