There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
