how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
then he tried to convert me to islam
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
