I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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