she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
