I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
