So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
