I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
