well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
