Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
