I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
