Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
