Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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